Artie Gets ‘Em Going

December 16, 2005

When the show came back from break, Artie had just begun his speech, which he kicked off by noting that even though he’s “fat, ugly, balding and drunk,” thanks to his role on the show his girlfriend “has a great ass.”

Artie went on to say that this morning marked the end of the best show in the history of entertainment, because it was the only one that celebrated “hookers, strippers, midgets with drinking problems, retards with no teeth, crack whores and fat people with bad body order.” Artie then announced that, after the festivities were over, he was taking everyone in attendance to see “Brokeback Mountain.”

After Artie mentioned that he wished his father was still alive so he could hear him on the show, he encouraged everyone to not let the celebration end today and to instead join them on satellite. As Artie exited the stage to a chant of his name, Howard admitted that Artie’s words gave him chills.