Richard Simmons Is Here with Very Tiny Shorts

April 10, 2007
Photo: The Howard Stern Show

After Howard said he liked Al as a person but still didn’t think he warranted the respect some people gave him, he announced Richard Simmons was stopping in, and played a montage of prank calls that used his voice in his honor.

When Richard came into the studio to a round of applause, Robin asked him if he was wearing lipstick, but he claimed he wasn’t as he walked around the room personally greeting everyone.

Howard then pointed out Richard’s shorts were “really short,” and Richard reported he’d injured his rear end after he fell and passed out on a wet floor in an airport bathroom. Howard proceeded to ask Richard who took care of him given this situation – pointing out once again he was surprised Richard wasn’t married – but Richard didn’t take the bait about discussing his private life and replied his “housekeepers” watched over him.

The Model of Unhealthy Living

Artie reported he had gained 10 pounds since Battle of the Blobs started and asked Richard for some advice. However, as Artie lit a cigarette, Richard pointed out he had asthma and asked Artie to put it out, which he did. When Richard revealed he was 59 years old, he insisted he wasn’t lonely, and laughed off Howard’s question of who “the hottest woman” in Hollywood was. In fact, Richard was so uncomfortable with the question that he got up and began calling for Gary, and Howard demanded the studio doors be locked so Richard couldn’t leave.

Mr. Simmons Goes to Washington

Photo: iStock

Richard mentioned he was overweight when he was a child growing up in New Orleans both because he didn’t have many friends and ate nonstop. Howard then took a call from a 22-year-old woman named Jenny who wanted to go on a date with Richard, which caused Richard to scream for Gary again. When the woman insisted, though, that she wanted Richard not for his money but for “his thighs,” Richard asked Howard hang up on her, and he did. Richard then said he was “offended” after Howard referred to his outfit as “a costume,” explaining that it was a “uniform,” and then started yelling for Gary to help him once again so he could talk about what he’d come in to promote.

Howard then said he’d give Richard the chance to discuss whatever he wanted, and Richard reported that 12,000 of Howard’s listeners filled out a form on his Website after he mentioned it the last time he was on the show a few months ago. As a result of this turn-out, he had enough forms to take his cause – which is to get physical education reinstated in public schools to help obese children – to Congress, which he did a few weeks ago.

Because of the support Howard’s listeners gave him during his first SIRIUS appearance, Richard asked them to visit his site again and follow the links there in order to write to their congressmen to help his efforts.

A Little Piece of Quiet

Howard turned back to Richard’s personal life and asked him if he traveled, but Richard said the only vacations he took were cruises designed to help heavy people. Howard then estimated Richard’s net worth to be $200 million, but Richard responded by saying he has wanted to help overweight people ever since he was young and that he didn’t get into the business for the money.

When Robin next asked if Richard flew commercially, Gary got on his intercom and noted he did, and that Richard even bought two seats every time he flew so that people wouldn’t bother him.

Just Call for Help

Howard brought up that he once heard Don Imus call a receptionist at NBC the n-word, which made Richard gasp and ask if the story was true, and Robin backed up Howard’s claim.

Richard proceeded to admit he’d never listened to Don’s program, but added that what he’d said about the female basketball players “wasn’t good” even though he hoped “God would forgive Don” and that he’d be able to “pick up the pieces.”

When Artie replied to Richard’s remarks by claiming there “was no God,” Richard made Artie take off his sunglasses so he could have a conversation with him. Richard then told Artie that Gary had his telephone number and that if Artie really wanted to lose weight, he could get in touch with him anytime.

Word that Cut to the Heart

Howard said he felt Richard “appealed to men and women” because he wasn’t “the most macho guy in the world,” and Richard thanked Howard for having him on the show and then left the studio. Although Howard insisted he didn’t say anything inappropriate to Richard, who was getting on an elevator at that moment, Robin mentioned she thought Howard was essentially calling Richard “womanly,” which he insisted wasn’t the case. To prove his point, Howard raced out of the studio to catch Richard before he left the building, and caught him as the elevator doors were closing. As Howard apologized for his comment, Richard, who was crying, accepted his apology but refused to come back into the studio.When Howard got back, Robin said she believed Richard reacted the way he did because Howard’s comment reminded him of the tormenting he went through as a child. Howard responded he “felt awful” for the way Richard left this morning, and promised he’d call him later to say he was sorry off the air.After Howard joked he was going to apologize to Al Sharpton for the way Richard left the studio, he played clips of Sal interviewing African Americans in Harlem about Don Imus’ remarks, with none of the interviewees taking Don’s side. Howard then took a call from Gay Ramone, who assured Howard that Richard was “a drama queen” and that was why he was so upset, and Howard replied that he hoped that was the case because he didn’t want to hurt Richard’s feelings.