Comedian Doug Stanhope stopped by to promote his upcoming stand at Caroline's, and Howard immediately asked after Doug's girlfriend, Bingo.
Doug said Bingo had recently been hallucinating again and had to go back to the mental institution, where she's the "high-achiever" in charge of the lighter the loonies use for their cigarette breaks. Doug then noted that Bingo's hallucinations often strike in the middle of the night, and it's difficult to tell her that what she's seeing isn't real, as it makes her cry.
Howard wondered what Doug's parents thought of Bingo, so Doug explained that his dad was dead and his mom was battling emphysema.
Doug added that his mom was always the kind who said "just kill me if I ever get that sick," but now that she's that sick, she doesn't want to die. Doug laughed that his mom was in the hospital recently and hooked up to a ventilator, so she couldn't talk. She took out a pen and pad and wrote "I don't want to die."
Doug was baffled; "I said, 'Are you sure?'"
Howard asked Doug if he was an alcoholic, and Doug admitted that he might be: he drinks 6-10 beers a night to get through the shitty conversations he has with people he meets on the road. Citing Gallagher as an example, Doug said that sooner or later, you're not funny anymore; "Eventually you're gonna suck. Will I know it? Will I care?"