Howard Feels Neverending Pressure to Perform

June 1, 2009
Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Howard welcomed everyone back to “the show that never ends” and demanded that Robin now limit herself to 9 news stories per show: “I’m never gonna make it.”

Howard said he was coming so unglued from the never-ending pressure to perform that, like Artie, “I’m gonna hire two police officers to watch over me.” No matter what happens, Howard promised to never return to terrestrial radio: “It’s a bunch of garbage.”

Benjy is Radio Death

Howard turned to Benjy and asked him to be interesting “for once,” so Benjy began to recount the four “experiences” he had over the break: “Two of the chicks were extremely hot.” Artie cracked: “Get out the bullshit pooch.” Howard asked how long it took Benjy to hook a girl online, and Benjy bragged: “If you really work on it on the right kind of night? A couple hours.”

After a couple more ill-fated attempts to penetrate Benjy’s circuitous answers/stories, Howard regretted the line of questioning altogether: “I apologize. Ladies and gentlemen, I started that conversation at 6:47. It’s now 6:56. It went nowhere…he’s radio death.”