Eric the Bachelor?

Eric the Midget called in to ask if Howard had indeed secured him a role on the next season of "The Bachelor," and Howard replied that the show's producer really wanted to fit Eric in somewhere.

Robin thought the whole situation was cruel: "Are you pulling Eric's leg? Do you even know the producer of 'The Bachelor'?" Howard said the producer was very real - and then speculated that Eric would pass at least two cuts on the show before being cut.

Later Eric called back to say there was a difference between the "objectosexuals" in the "Married to the Eiffel Tower" documentary who have sex with inanimate objects and those who masturbate (as he does) by humping their mattresses.

Howard said he made a clear distinction: "I said the difference is that you're thinking of a woman." Artie scolded him, "Listen to the show, you little f--king douchebag."