Benjy Is Late Again, Again

September 16, 2010

Howard started off the show announcing that Benjy was late once again: “We have an empty seat this morning which means I have to fire Benjy.”

Howard couldn’t figure out what went wrong (“He was doing so well.”) and regretted his position: “I’m like ‘Dad’ around here. I hate that aspect of this job, that I’m ‘Dad’ and everyone has to answer to me.”

Robin thought Howard should punish–but not fire–Benjy: “Maybe put him out of the studio and off the Wrap-Up Show.”

Howard agreed, saying he’d pull all of Benjy’s privileges: “everything short of firing him.”

‘I Hit Snooze’

When Benjy finally arrived, Howard lay into him: “You put me in that position again. You did it to me.” Benjy could only muster a sad excuse: “I hit snooze.” Unmoved, Howard kicked him out: “Go write in the other room. And you’re off the Wrap-Up Show for the remainder of the time we’re here.” Howard couldn’t figure out why Benjy was so disrespectful: “I gave the guy a break and he’s breaking my balls.” Benjy asked to stay in the studio and instead pay a “financial fine” each time he was late, but Howard refused: “I’ll come up with some master calculation? A financial fine? You don’t have a pot to piss in.”

What Would JD Do?

Howard turned to JD, thanking him for being nothing like Benjy: “You break my heart…you work hard and you don’t ask for anything.”

As he did before with Ronnie’s car show, Howard asked JD to decide Benjy’s fate. JD was honest: “I would put him out in the back office. [But] if I were you for real–for real? I would fire him.” Howard also asked Evan, the show’s hardest-working engineer, and Evan agreed with JD: “It’s the same thing as stealing money, man. It really is.”

A No Tolerance Policy for Benjy

Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Howard later extended Benjy’s punishment with a no-tolerance policy: “If you are late, just don’t show up. Never show up again…agreed?”

Howard told Ronnie he was serious—the next time Benjy is late, “don’t allow him into my studio. Don’t allow him into work.”

After word came from the back that Benjy was complaining about his new workspace, Robin was indifferent: “The optimum work conditions were in here–where he should have been at 6 in the morning.”