What Charlie Did Wrong

March 7, 2011
Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Early in the show, Howard said he listened to Charlie Sheen’s new Internet show and was a little miffed by Charlie’s insults about his looks–and the quality of the show: “I’m ten times more creative than you.” Howard then went over a list of 15 things Charlie should’ve done to make Charlie’s Korner more–or ever halfway–interesting:

1. Invite a few members of the press over and allow them to interview him–live: “Charlie is better in conversation with someone, especially anyone who challenges him.”

2. “Charlie knows whores. Go with your strengths.” Howard thought Charlie could call a few of his madams and offer $15,000 to the first girl to get to his door. “Boom! The whore race is on.”

3. A “goddess” fashion show.

4. Or have a “goddess” remove a piece of clothing every 15 minutes.

5. “Gimme a tour of that house! What’s going on in there?”

6. A round of Find The Emmy, in which Charlie hides his awards and then lets “all the whores and hangers-on” scramble to find them.

7. A dance party: “Put a song on and let’s go. That house is a party house.”

8. A “Charlie-style” Newlywed Game with the goddesses: “Whoever wins gets the sausage that night.”

9. Take some phone calls.

10. Display and discuss his infamous porn collection. 1

1. Have the goddesses take an intelligence test.

12. Or better yet, a lie detector test: “Find out if any of them even like you!”

13. Get Mel Gibson over there.

14. “Interview your housekeeper!”

15. Shorter, rant-based broadcasts: “Five-ten minutes is fine.” Charlie later texted Gary with an apology: “Tell Howard I’m sorry about the insults. I love him violently and find him oddly handsome.”