Eric the Actor Wants a Massage

Wack Packer shares list of demands

December 5, 2011
Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Howard said he’d been forwarded even more bizarre communication between Eric the Actor’s (interim) manager, Johnny Fratto, and the producers of “In Plain Sight”: “Eric, you know, if you want to be an actor, you’ve got to get a couple acting roles under your belt. I mean, don’t be so pompous.”

Howard laughed that the list of demands included proximity to Eric’s favorite fast food places: “You need, specifically, an Arby’s or McDonald’s? Additionally, Eric-via-Johnny’s itemized list also asked that Eric get massages from an on-set masseuse–and that said set be moved across state lines: “6. Is there a possibility that this could become a recurring role? If so, could they move the production to San Francisco, as it would be easier to get to and from the set? He also wants me to let you know that it would be less expensive for you.”

Howard then read Eric’s rider in its entirety:

List of Demands

1. A co-star credit on a solo card.

2. A two-bedroom suite at a five-star hotel. (Four-star is acceptable if the pool and jacuzzi area is nice.)

3. A stretch limousine to take him to and from set, to the hotel and anywhere else he might need to go.

4. An assistant to his assistant Jan. Eric says that Jan is invaluable to him and if he has to worry about anything other than Eric, it could affect his performance.

5. Eric would like to have input on the script: the storyline and his blocking.

6. Four 20-ounce Pepsi-Colas a day.


8. Mr. Lynch also wants you to understand he does not want to be blown up, mutilated or murdered in any fashion.

9. He does not want any contact with some of the dangerous wildlife that inhabit that region, such as black bears, mountain lions, coyotes, bobcats, spiders, werewolves or any venomous snakes.