The Hunt For the Bathroom Bandit

July 24, 2012
Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Early in the show, Howard underscored his desire to unmask yesterday’s Bathroom Bandit: “I don’t know who is shooting this rancid diarrhea all over those walls. I don’t know how you shit like that. I don’t know how those accidents happen. Your ass is in the bowl.” To Howard, the Poopgate mess had the air of malice: “It seems to me to be a violent, hurtful act.” Howard promised to DNA test anyone who’d used their keycard to enter the staff bathroom in the hours leading up to the discovery of the mess–and fire the culprit: “I’m going to find you, because I’m going to DNA all of you. … If you come forward and tell me it was you–to spare me this expense and aggravation–and you’re honest about it, I will allow you to continue working here. “