The Hunt For the Bathroom Bandit

Early in the show, Howard underscored his desire to unmask yesterday's Bathroom Bandit: "I don't know who is shooting this rancid diarrhea all over those walls. I don't know how you shit like that. I don't know how those accidents happen. Your ass is in the bowl." To Howard, the Poopgate mess had the air of malice: "It seems to me to be a violent, hurtful act." Howard promised to DNA test anyone who'd used their keycard to enter the staff bathroom in the hours leading up to the discovery of the mess--and fire the culprit: "I'm going to find you, because I'm going to DNA all of you. … If you come forward and tell me it was you--to spare me this expense and aggravation--and you're honest about it, I will allow you to continue working here. "