The Goose Used to Have Boobs

Tony 'The Goose' Siragusa stopped by to promote his memoir, 'Goose: The Outrageous Life & Times of a Football Guy', telling Howard he didn't fill out until 8th grade. "That was a big turning point. I started getting, like, pecs. They were boobs beforehand." Goose went on to the University of Pittsburgh ("Your wife was there when I was there!") and, though he wasn't drafted, the Indianapolis Colts did pick him up later on: "They signed me for 85 grand. I was the lowest-paid player in the NFL."

Goose said he was plagued his entire career by knee injuries he'd suffered at Pitt: "Sometimes I had to drain them myself. I would take a needle and drain them. … I had something to prove." But 12 seasons of NFL-grade hits to the head have helped him forget the pain: "My short-term memory's shot. I can't remember anything. I have to travel with somebody who knows me, to fill in the blanks."

As such, NFL retirees can never return to their sport like many other professional players often do--most succumb to injury: "When I retired, that helmet went on the shelf and I've never put it on again. It's so finite. It's done." Goose said he was now 45 years-old, and, given both his father's early passing (at 47) and a laundry list of football injuries, every day is a gift: "If I die tomorrow, I tell my wife, just put a smile on my face, put a little Sinatra on..."

How to Flush Hands-Free

Before he left, Goose recalled a bout of pre-game constipation and the enemas that failed to help. With saline still in his intestines, Goose had to take the field: "I taped my ass cheeks together...and that week we were wearing white jerseys and white pants. [I was] like, 'It could be the most humiliating thing. I would have to quit.'" But somehow he held it through the game: "Did you ever shit so much that the toilet actually flushes by itself?