Howard Opens Up About His Worst Ever Job

March 3, 2014

A caller named Vince was dying to know what Howard’s worst all-time job was, so we all took a trip down memory lane. We stopped at the usual spots in Howard’s work history:

The dish-washing, which he still cites as the best job he ever had. He loved the steam from the industrial sink and enjoyed just going from work to the bar and getting drunk.

Howard also worked for a brief moment as an advertising man at Benton & Bowles and hated it.

But the job that takes the cake as the all-time worst is one that we don’t hear about very often– Howard sold airtime for a ‘horrible’ all-news FM radio station. When Howard turned up for the interview at ‘his boss’s’ apartment, he was interviewed by a fat, hairy, shirtless man, and Howard was pretty sure this was an illegal operation.

His theory was strengthened when the sketchy boss told him not to accept money for the sales he made, but to take it out in trade.

We imagine Howard’s fat, hairy boss looked something like our own Jason Kaplan

Howard found himself at a family-owned Chinese restaurant trying to convince the owner to ‘buy’ ads on the station in exchange for free food for the boss. The owner looked at Howard and said ‘I trust you’ in broken English.

Howard felt awful and decided to quit. Just as he told his boss he didn’t want to work there, the cops were swarming the apartment confiscating the shady man’s record collection.

Howard went back to the Chinese restaurant and said that even though he’d just been in there convincing the owner to trust him, he was taking it all back and hoped he would save his eggrolls and not buy any phony ads.

Robin, who initially claimed she had done nothing in the way of work except nursing and then becoming the most famous co-host in the world, suddenly remembered a job she hated: a sales person for a radio station. She tried to sell consultation tapes to radio stations. Although her voice was probably pretty intoxicating, it wasn’t a job she excelled at.