Staff Auditions for the Losers

March 26, 2014

Since Howard has picked up the guitar a few weeks ago, he decided to try to resurrect his legendary band The Losers, though probably with a different name.

Howard was the keyboardist in the original line-up, but he and Fred Norris are both taking on the guitar for the new incarnation and are looking for other staffers to fill out the roster.

Richard Christy, one of the greatest drummers in the world, is officially replacing Scott Salem (who was formerly replaced by his intern) on the skins. Richard barely had to audition before Howard and Fred said, “You’re in.”

Steve Brandano was next up on guitar, playing a song off one of Howard’s favorite albums—“Come Down in Time” from Elton John’s “Tumbleweed Connection.” It didn’t go so well, with Steve blaming his performance on nerves. Fred gave Steve a seven out of ten while Howard gave him just a five—though he said he was a ten when it came to screening phones.

A lesser known staffer, Paul from the Tapes Team, completely blew the crew away with his incredible rendition of Jimi Hendrix’s “The Wind Cries Mary”—receiving a perfect score from co-host Robin Quivers and nines from Howard and Fred. “This is the kind of sound I’m looking for,” Howard gushed.

Sal Governale came in next, putting his sweatshirt hood up to blast through Metallica, Jack Bruce, and Ozzy Osbourne on bass. Fred criticized Sal’s playing—claiming he played in three different keys—but gave him an eight while Robin scored him a meager five.

Benjy Bronk’s girlfriend, Elisa Jordana, stopped by to play her keyboard in the hopes of getting in and did a very good job. After gushing about how hot she was, and wondering once again how Benjy got her, Howard asked about how their relationship was going. Elisa said Benjy is a good person, but he doesn’t seem to treat her very well. Elisa said she wasn’t in love with Benjy at the moment because things weren’t going well. “We have a lot of problems,” she admitted.

After diving further into their relationship issues, Elisa played a version of Howard’s “Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes” and earned herself a slot in the band through hotness and the way she tickles the ivories.

Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Lisa G, who is normally a violinist, came in to play guitar. Roughly two seconds into her cover of the Beatles’ “Blackbird,” Howard commanded Lisa to stop.

Another Tapes Team member—Jeremy— brought his bass in to run through “Message in a Bottle” by the Police. Amazingly, Howard and Fred felt he wasn’t necessarily much better than Sal, despite playing the bass since 1986.

Rich, who actually has been teaching Howard some guitar lately came in as one more guitarist vying for a spot. He rocked through Queen’s “Fat Bottom Girls” and, while it was good, Fred felt it wasn’t the best song to really showcase what Rich could do. The staffer then went into the title song from the Tom Hanks movie “That Thing You Do” and, despite liking it, Howard and Fred thought it wasn’t quite as good as Paul’s playing.

Finally, Mike from the Tapes Team was last to go. If Lisa was the worst to audition, Mike was a very close second-to-last. He played and sang Paul McCartney’s “Maybe I’m Amazed”—Howard asked him to leave, but he insisted on playing two other songs. It didn’t go much better and Howard then implored he leave the studio.

The end result was Richard Christy, Paul Grassini, and Elisa Jordana are now permanent members of the new Losers.