Craigslist Is Still Creepy

May 20, 2014
Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Sal Governale, the King of All Creepy Craigslists Ads, was busy coming through them again and Howard was amazed that the well never runs dry.

Pregnancy fetish

I have a big pregnancy fetish, the darkened, engorged nipples, leaking milk, the line going down from your bellybutton, how gravid you are, and how damned randy you are too. This is from having my own children and when I was a teen I f*cked this pregnant woman who was not being looked after who liked younger, swarthy boys.

I’m also happy to get you pregnant if need be. Otherwise, if you are here because you are not getting the hard, rough, but attentive sex you need, then don’t hesitate to email me.

Force me to eat my own j*zz

I want a hot male to make me shoot several days of c*m in a glass and freeze it. Then make me suck his c*ck, face f*ck me hard and pour all that j*zz slowly in my mouth.

Make me eat tons of hot lumpy cum, make me gag on ur loads. Force feed me everything even if I seem relunctant.

Make me jerk off and shoot on the floor and force me to lick it off. Put my legs over my head and force me to shoot my own load into my face.

Any other kinky c*m eating ideas? send them to me. I can also self suck my d*ck too!

I have a big c*ck and I’m cute.

I am your ass worshipper

(The capitalization of Man, Him, and His are by the original author)

1. I WILL SNIFF before licking. A Man’s ass deserves to be savored. Inhaling its odor is a sign of respect and reverence.

2. I WILL LICK INSIDE AND OUT. Licking only around a Man’s asshole — and not also inside it — is deeply offensive because it indicates the ass-eater thinks it is above the act of putting its tongue inside a shit chute.

3. I WILL NOT HESITATE, no matter the condition of a Man’s ass. It doesn’t matter if a Man’s ass is clean or dirty, smooth or hairy or sweaty

4. I WILL EAT ASS “AS IS.” To expect a Man to bathe before feeding me His ass is disrespectful of a Man’s valuable time, not to mention the fundamental superiority that His ass possesses over my face. An asseater may not discriminate.

5. I WILL NOT TOUCH MYSELF when eating a Man’s ass. His pleasure is my own. Further, to divide my attention between His ass and my c*ck is discourteous; His ass deserves my full, undivided attention.

6. I WILL NOT TALK WITH MY MOUTH FULL, although it is acceptable in between bites to thank a Man for the privilege of eating His ass and to communicate how enjoyable the taste and odor is.

7. I WILL MAKE MYSELF AVAILABLE to eat a Man’s ass on His terms, to the best of my ability. A Man should never have to use toilet paper or soap to clean His ass when an asseater can do the job, instead.

8. I WILL KEEP WORSHIPPING until told to stop, no matter what. An asseater is nothing more than a chair with the added feature of a tongue; therefore, a Man should be able to do anything while sitting on an asseater’s face that He can do while sitting in a chair, including but not limited to sitting full weight, farting, putting His feet up, etc. Further, a Man must feel free to sit on an asseater for as long as He would sit on a chair, whether minutes or hours.

9. I WILL NOT PENETRATE a Man’s ass with my finger(s). A Man’s ass exists to be worshipped, sniffed, eaten and cleaned.

10. I pledge these things because I am an asseater, because I am in awe of Men, and because I am at their service.

Howard hoped that last ad was written by Robin Quivers.