Jeff the Bore Earns His Name

November 4, 2014
Photo: The Howard Stern Show

When ‘the Bore’ is right in your name, as it is with ‘Jeff the Bore’, it’s pretty hard to disappoint during a talk show appearance. Right? Wrong. Even though we knew he’d be dull, Jeff managed to simultaneously put everyone to sleep and bum everyone out when he stopped by the show this morning.

Jeff was angry that he’d recently gone from ‘the Drunk’ to ‘the Bore’ but he certainly couldn’t prove that the name change wasn’t warranted. He sounded downright depressed as he listed his monthly expenses:

$250 for rent

$100 for electricity

$75 for his telephone

His food is covered by food stamps, so the other $200 he gets from the government is free to be spent on beer and cigarettes.

Thankfully, Jeff had one mildly interesting story. He recently went to the doctor’s office and encountered a ‘hot’ student doctor whom he proceeded to flirt with. Suddenly, Jeff got the urge to, as Howard says, ‘make doody’ and headed for the bathroom. By the time he got there, he realized his underwear was totally brown and very wet. He had basically sh*t his pants.

He disposed of his underwear in the trash can, embarrassed and sad that now there was a chance that the hot student doctor wouldn’t have sex with him.

Eventually, Jeff had brought the whole room down and it was time to move on. Jeff wanted to sing his own version of ‘Hurt’ by Nine Inch Nails, but Howard had had enough.