Tracy Morgan Pleasures Himself Wherever He Wants

The '30 Rock' star breezed through the Stern Studio and left nothing unsaid

The hilarious creative hurricane known as Tracy Morgan spun through the studio this morning and was chock full of quips, stories, complaints and fantasies.

Here are the highlights from the latest of Tracy's conversations with Howard:

* Tracy was offended that he wasn't considered to replace Dave Letterman on the Late Show. He claimed that his show would be different – he'd ask the real questions – and everyone would tune in.

He actually admitted he'd take a cue from Howard, producing that show exactly like Howard's show and interviewing people in a similar style to the King of All Media. 'Jimmy Fallon needs some competition out there!'

* When Tracy auditioned for Saturday Night Live, he admittedly had never really been around white people at all – 'It was culture shock! – but he didn't let that rattle him. He walked in and made the whole room laugh with his characters and jokes. You can watch Tracy's audition on the Best of Tracy Morgan SNL Box Set.

@RealTracyMorgan never fails to bring it on the @sternshow

— Jonathon Albert (@Jonalbert85) April 15, 2014

* Keeping his cool demeanor, he was washing his precious Nissan Quest in Harlem when his beeper went off (that's right kids, people used to wear things called beepers). It was a page from Marcy Klein, and when he called her back, she told him that he'd landed the job at SNL. 'Okay, thanks,' Tracy said calmly. It didn't hit him until he showed up for work just how cool it was.

As you may know, Tracy moved out of his bad neighborhood quickly, and under cover of night. He didn't want anyone following him or trying to get their hands on what he had.

Tracy still shows his face in his old neighborhood, but admits that there's no way he's ever getting out of his car.

@RealTracyMorgan best interview on @sternshow !! Can't wait for your new show!

— SHUM (@LeChron_Flames) April 15, 2014

* Tracy's oldest son is twenty-nine and works at a bartender at Caroline's Comedy Club. His youngest, a daughter, is just nine months old. Being a dad again has not slowed Tracy's high-rolling lifestyle at all. 'My daughter had a passport at two months old. My daughter's been on private planes already.'

* Tracy claimed he has a photographic memory and only has to look at a script once to memorize it.

* Robin's ultimate fantasy, Game of Thrones star Peter Dinkage, worked with Tracy and claimed he was the funniest person ever. Peter was tickled when Tracy repeatedly announced ' Ernest Borgnine is my biological father!' There is a resemblance.

* Tracy has spoken before about the incredible story of someone stealing his pink pumas at the public pool when he was an adolescent. If you remember, he got revenge in the best/worst way possible: he shit in the pool. This, Tracy claims, has led to a lifelong fascination with shitting in water – even 'using' a neighbor's Slip'N Slide.


Tracy also claimed that he was caught by a cop jerking off in his car on 42nd Street in Manhattan. Then he said he was joking. Then he said a woman bent over in a miniskirt with no panties on and he couldn't resist. Then he said there's no way he'd jerk off in his car. Then he said The policewoman tapped on his window with a nightstick and said 'I see you beating your d*ck. You gotta keep it moving.' The cop, supposedly, went easy on him and didn't give him a ticket.

The @RealTracyMorgan is one of the best @sternshow guests ever

— Brian (@BrianInJersey) April 15, 2014

Whether that story is true or not, Tracy has beaten off to some peculiar material – like a depiction of Eve in a Jehovah's Witness Watchtower Pamphlet. Also, he claimed to once befriend a guy just so he could get into his house and beat off in a pair of his lady's panties. Tracy went into detail about how aroused he was by the smell of the dirty underpants, taking special care to savor the 'doody streak'.

Tracy Morgan with porn star Riley Steele

* Howard had a bracket of random famous women and wanted to see who Tracy most wanted to bang. Since his taste is all over the map, the pairings ranged from Betty White vs Barbara Walters (Tracy demanded to make love to both) to Hillary Clinton vs Janet Reno (Tracy chose Janet because she's tall) all the way to Tina Fey vs Halle Berry (Tracy went with Halle). But the one woman above all others was Lindsay Lohan, because 'she looks uninhibited'.

While he is successful at everything he touches, Tracy professed a real desire to do a radio show on Howard 101 and we all hope that dream of his comes true.

@sternshow is showing us Radio Gold right now. Hilarious interview with Tracy Morgan.

— Rob Jackson (@robcob61890_rob) April 15, 2014

Sit and wait patiently for Tracy's new FXX Show (where he plays a motivation speaker), check out his new Comedy Central special 'Bona Fide', catch his upcoming appearance with Hannibal Burress, and follow Tracy on Twitter.

— Orange Slice (@SteveDinNC) April 15, 2014