Tom Arnold Totally Uncensored

Frequent Stern Show guest Tom Arnold stopped by this morning to promote his brand new stand up tour and he was barely recognizable!

Robin actually thought it was Billy Bob Thornton walking through the door, but it was Tom – after cutting out gluten and sugar from his diet entirely.

Tom admitted that his wife gives him a list of things he can't talk about every time he comes on the show – but that apparently doesn't stop Tom! He sat down with Howard and told him every interesting thing that's happened since the last time we saw him.

Here are the highlights from Howard's interview with Tom Arnold:

The premiere topic that Howard loves to discuss with Tom is his friendship with movie star, bodybuilder and former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Tom revealed that Arnold actually sponsors a travelling circus (haHA!). One of the perks of such an undertaking is that Arnold gets to have exotic animals in his house when he throws parties.

Recently, an elephant got loose in Arnold's living room and started destroying the house. It was especially fond of Arnold's art, which Tom admitted was all paintings and sculptures of Arnold himself (many depicting him totally nude). 'It's him then,' Tom clarified, 'not him now.'

You might think that a person probably only has one wild animal destroy their house during a party, but not Arnold! He also had a bald eagle go nuts from the cigar smoke that permeated Schwarzenegger Manor.

Plus, as if wild animals weren't enough, Sylvester Stallone was also in attendance at Arnold's Christmas party.

Lest anyone think that Tom's wild life is only exciting when he's at Arnold's, he can turn even a casino stay into something downright hallucinatory.

Tom reported befriending a woman who drove an ambulance in Las Vegas (they hang out in front of casinos because casinos are sad, dangerous places) and talking the nice woman offered Tom a natural shake that she often made.

He downed two of them and things got weird. Tom has made sure that there was no alcohol or sugar in the shake- but, there was something in it!

'It was like … down the rabbit hole.'

Tom desperately wanted to get the drugs out of his system so he started working out in the elliptical and exercised for six hours, trying to burn it off. Somehow, he wound up with two black eyes, though he has no idea how.

He ended up FaceTiming with his wife and she freaked out when he told her that he'd just had lunch with her brother sister – then panned the camera around to show that nobody was there. He has hallucinated the whole thing.

His wife made him fly home and immediately took him to the doctor – where they found absolutely nothing in Tom's system. Eerie!

Tom had a similar experience with Robin Williams once. While they were filming the movie '9 Months', Robin and Tom went on a diet where they ate nothing but turkey and mustard and took fen-phen for two weeks. One night, they both thought they were going to have a heart attack.

Naturally, probably for the rest of his life, Tom will be associated with his first wife, Roseanne Barr.

Ever since Tom appeared as the surprise guest at the Comedy Central Roast of Roseanne, they two (who formerly hated each other) have maintained contact.

One Sunday night, as he relaxed in bed with his wife, Tom got a text from Roseanne that said 'are you up?' It wasn't a booty-call, Roseanne just wanted Tom's help on a script she was writing.

They worked on it together over the phone for three hours.

The next day, Roseanne reminded him that all the ideas he contributed were ideas she already had – just like it used to be.

Speaking of TV, Tom's new show is a revolutionary and fascinating concept: he wants to take celebrities to visit people who have trash-talked them on the internet.

For more Tom Arnold, check out his website for tour dates and catch him hosting My Big Redneck Family.