Howard read an interesting article about "The Late Show with David Letterman" and some of the awesome-sounding bits that, for one reason or another, never made it on the air. He read a few of them to Robin:
-Dave and Merrill Markoe and all the guests do the whole show hooked up to lie detectors.
-Dave dresses up for Halloween as 'That thing on Aaron Neville's forehead.'
-Hook announcer Alan Kalter up to a machine that would deliver a shock every time a joke bombs.
-Have a behavioral psychologist stand to the side of the stage and periodically check in with him about Dave's psyche.
-Blindfold Dave's stage manager Biff and ask him to identify a Madame Tussaud's wax figure of a celebrity using only touch and smell.
-A bit called 'Don Rickles Goes to the Zoo' where Rickles hurls insults at animals. (Dave admitted this would've been tremendous and he would do it today).
-David Letterman himself wanted to install a zip-line from the third balcony down to the stage and start the show on a zip line. It never went anywhere.
This got Howard thinking about all the great bits that we have attempted to do but for some reason or other (often times former K-Rock General Manager Tom Chiusano*) they never made it to air.
-The Heaviest Load Contest (Everybody on staff 'finishes' and the loads are weighed)
-The GILF Contest – A Grandmother I'd Like to F*ck
-The Hottest Hoarder Contest
-Cancer Kazoo Karaoke
-Howard chloroform's Richard, takes his clothes off and moves him to a second location, where he wakes up
-We do a whole episode of the Stern Show while flying high on Ambien
-Benjy Bronk wanted to roast a kid with cancer
-Stern Show writer Richard Christy wanted to cook and eat the placenta of producer Will Murray's then-unborn baby
Oh, the shows that could have been!
*To be fair, it wasn't always Tom's fault. Sometimes we couldn't find a sponsor for a particular bit or there were actual legal reasons why we couldn't actually do it on air.