Mean Girls: Grandma Wolfie’s Nursing Home Edition

Stern Show correspondent reports from the depths of an old folks home

December 7, 2016
Photo: iStock

In one of his most riveting reports yet, Stern Show correspondent Wolfie called in Wednesday morning after paying a visit to his grandmother’s nursing home.

“When you see old people you always think, ‘Oh they’re just docile and nice.’ They’re just young people in old people’s bodies,” Howard explained. “The ladies were openly racist, they talked about regularly shitting their pants. They were just like on fire,” he continued.

Wolfie said that his grandmother has a clique at the nursing home and acts as a sort of “mean girl” basically bullying other people she doesn’t like until they are forced to leave the facility for good.

One woman who was a member of Wolfie’s grandmother’s clique turned out to be one of the most vocal about the rampant pants-shitting. “I have irritable bowel syndrome and when my anxiety takes over I have no control … I have to wear Depends sometimes,” she admitted.

Does that sort of thing embarrass her? “I’ll say it does when you’re with other people and then they’re in the car with you. You have to wind all the windows down because you can’t stand the smell,” she said.

Additionally, that same woman told Wolfie that she had never in her life given a blowjob. “That was one item … the only item we disagreed on,” she said of her late husband.

A 67-year-old stroke victim resident, meanwhile, made it known that she was “a swallower.”

By and large many of the residents also offered some particularly racist answers to certain questions. When Wolfie asked one woman what she thought the Obamas’ final meal in the White House would be, she responded: “Probably bananas because he’s a monkey.”

Nonetheless, all of the women expressed an interest in coming to meet the King of All Media.

“How about we do a special old ladies skating on ice and shitting show?” Howard joked.