With a bottle of Bushmills in hand, comedian Doug Stanhope sat down with Howard on Monday morning to go over recent developments in his life, including the ongoing lawsuit between him and actress Amber Heard. Even though his lawyers prepped him ahead of time on what he could and could not say during his Stern Show interview, Doug still had plenty of stories to share.
Check out the highlights from Doug Stanhope's latest appearance (below) and buy Doug's new book, "Digging Up Mother: A Love Story," available now.
He Said, She Said, Stanhope Said
Doug is currently being sued for defamation by Amber Heard following an article he wrote alleging that Amber lied about being abused by her ex-husband Johnny Depp. Doug and Johnny became friends in 2013 and in a previous appearance on the Stern Show, Doug talked about hanging out with the then Hollywood power couple. But, as Doug admitted on Monday, the last time he was on, he accidentally called Amber "Amanda Heard."
"I think the whole lawsuit is just about me calling her Amanda on your show," Doug said with a laugh. "It's such a bullshit suit."
Heard's legal complaint contends that Doug, as a close friend of Johnny's, made a "coordinated effort" to publicly defame her with false and hurtful statements. Doug told Howard that he had no contact with Johnny after his split from Amber until his article was published online. That's when Depp sent him a text that read, "thanks for being honest," according to Stanhope.
"It has nothing to do with me," Doug said of the lawsuit. "I think what she's trying to do is make me shut the fuck up." Doug also stressed that he didn't write his article in order to name drop or gain any publicity. In fact, he's been ignoring news outlets that have been relentlessly calling him for an interview.
"If it weren't so personal, like, for him, I would have had so much fun with this," Doug told Howard. "To make 'Good Morning America' fly me out and then act like it's all about my book."
Why, Mom, Why?!
Sadly, Doug's mother is no longer alive, but when she was on this earth, she had a very unusual way of making both her son and the family dog happy. Recounting a story from his book, Doug told Howard that his mom used to jerk off their dog.
"I think she kept doing it because she made me laugh. She loved to make me laugh," Doug told Howard.
Doug assured Howard that she never jerked the dog off to completion – she would only work the dog's shaft with two fingers while he was lying on his back. Howard wondered if Doug's mom ever went further than that.
"No, but if she'd get a laugh once from blowing a dog, she'd blow a dog forever," Doug said.
The shocking dog hand job story made Howard wonder if Doug's unique relationship with his mom had any effect on him in his formative years.
"She allowed me to probably be more adult than I should have been at too early an age," said Doug, who told Howard he had started dating and was sexually active at just nine years old.
Doug recalled one intimate moment with his childhood girlfriend: "I remember the time that we actually made penetration because it was very difficult to do." Doug said he ran into the girl her after they had both grown up. She attended a comedy show Doug did in his hometown of Worcester, Mass. and Doug was anxious to talk to her and see if she remembered what he remembered about their past. Sure enough, just two sentences into their post-show conversation, the woman casually brought up how they had sex when they were kids.
"She looked alright," Doug told Howard. "I wasn't like, 'Ugh, you really lost it. I wish you were still nine,'" he joked.
Bingo Is Back
An interview with Doug is great, but it's even better when his longtime girlfriend Bingo is with him on the Stern Show couch. On Monday, Bingo came into the studio to discuss how she and Stanhope had recently encountered a rough patch in their relationship, largely rooted in Doug's lack of physical intimacy.
"I am aware of the fact that I suck at sex," Doug told Howard, saying that it's hard to get hot for the same girl that you make fart jokes with.
"It's a weird dichotomy," he said.
Doug's lack of sexual desire led Bingo to seek companionship with a gentleman known only as Washtub Willie.
"It was very short-lived," Bingo told Howard of her romance with Washtub Willie, who lives an unconventional life off the grid in the desert. Doug laughed while telling Howard about Willie's home that includes two outhouses, one of which Bingo couldn't use because there was a family of owls living in it.
Even though Bingo had to rough it in the wilderness with Willie, she told Howard that she enjoyed her time with him. "Washtub Willie loved me for who I was," Bingo said. "Out there, there was nobody watching, ever."
But over time she realized that she needed Doug in her life. "We're Doug and Bingo. I couldn't survive without Doug Stanhope," Bingo told Howard. She didn't know how to handle the situation, though, and decided to let the two men in her life determine what needed to be done. So, she took off for New Orleans, leaving Willie, Doug, and her cell phone behind.
Unable to locate Bingo, Doug invited Washtub Willie on his podcast so that they could discuss what to do about the woman they both loved. After Doug had Willie on a second podcast, Bingo called into the show. And though she is now back with Doug, Bingo revealed that she's still in contact with Washtub Willie.
"I see him all the time. We play music and it's great," she said, adding that their relationship is no longer romantic.
Doug Stanhope's new book "Digging Up Mother: A Love Story" is available now.