Anyone living or spending time near the woods needs to beware of a danger lurking within the trees, or so says High Register Sean. The Wack Packer called into the Stern Show on Wednesday and warned Howard and Robin about “dog men,” the half human, half canine creatures manufactured by the government that now roam throughout the wild. Few have seen them but High Register Sean claimed he has one living just beyond his own backyard.
“They are nefarious creatures,” he explained. “They don’t have souls because they were created in a lab.”
Of course, Howard had several questions about High Register Sean’s conspiracy. For starters, what proof did he have that these dog men even existed? Sean asserted he’s seen something with orange-colored eyes wandering around behind his house. He also said the chickens his family used to keep all mysteriously died after being attacked in their cage. And just recently Sean discovered animal bones on his lawn which he believes were eaten by a dog man.
“It was in feces. So something was eating something else whole,” High Register Sean told Howard.
Stern Show staffer Shuli Egar came in studio to tell Howard he gets regular phone calls from High Register Sean, usually to warn him about potential disasters he should be prepared for, like solar flares or the apocalypse.
“He’s a very intelligent guy,” Shuli said of Sean. “But like, it’s all going in the wrong direction.”
When High Register Sean called the Stern Show in April, he told Howard his theory on staffer Brent Hatley being an android or maybe a clone of himself. He now suspects Bobo is not entirely human and could be a “shapeshifter.”
“He’s constantly trying to be whatever he thinks you want him to be,” High Register Sean stated. Howard agreed Bobo does indeed say anything he expects will please him but that doesn’t make the frequent Stern Show caller a shapeshifter.
Though no one in the studio seemed to be buying any of High Register Sean’s theories, he persisted in trying to warn the Stern Show audience.
“I just hope people are safe when they’re in and around the woods,” he stressed. “Keep your eyes peeled. Don’t hike alone. Don’t go into the woods drunk.”