Only Ugly Nannies Need Apply

July 20, 2005

Howard opened the show continuing the discussions about Pat O’Brien and Jude Law he had gotten into yesterday. For those who missed it, Howard ran across some tape of the “interview” he did with Pat on the “War of the Worlds” red carpet and played it for everyone.

Howard said by the time the interview was over it seemed as if Pat’s head was about to explode. The Jude Law/Sienna Miller/nanny story was also a hot topic. Howard was really impressed with the way Law had blamed sleeping with his kids’ nanny on Miller. Apparently, Law said Miller forced him into the arms of another woman by never being there for him. This made Howard wonder why any woman would want to hire a good looking nanny since this is usually the end result. Gary said they had gotten a tape the other day for the Hot Chick/Biggest Fan Contest sent in by a woman FOR her nanny, who was smoking hot. Howard recently read how a lot of women will take any nanny that gets along with their kids, but one woman said she didn’t care how good they were with her kids; she would not hire a really good looking nanny, (smart woman). This led Howard to also wonder how any guy would let his wife be massaged by a good looking guy masseuse. He said that whenever Beth gets a massage, he makes sure they send a woman masseuse. Although, there was one time she got a massage from a woman who Beth said brushed up against certain areas, (a move Howard is still trying to recreate three years later). Artie felt the same way about Dana and never wants her to be exposed to a good looking guy. Howard said he has a friend who is a personal trainer and massage therapist who told him that 40-50% of the married woman he visits out on Long Island ask for a special massage that involves a finger entering the “invalid input.” When Howard heard that, he made the decision never to let his girlfriend get another massage from a man again.