Tan Mom Takes On Kayla Vas

Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Tan Mom will be participating in a "celebrity" boxing match later this month, so Howard brought her in to the studio today along with her opponent, a transgendered woman named Kayla Vas.

Howard brought in Tan Mom's opponent first as he figured once Patricia entered the studio she would never stop yelling.

Kayla, who's been featured on the Kidd Chris's show as Kayla The Tranny, ran down a little of her history with Howard. To begin with, she used to be a man. "Unfortunately I had to live that horror," she quipped.

But there's still some plumbing left from her prior life – Kayla had her testes removed, but kept her penis, which is ""still under construction." As for her sex life, Kayla said that she prefers men, but insisted that she doesn't drink "man milk" in any of her exploits. "Like gluten-free, I'm cum free."

Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Most applicable to her boxing career though, is the fact that not only was Kayla a Marine, but also a 22-year veteran of the South Jersey police force.

Howard wondered if Tan Mom even stands a chance, but Damon Feldman, the event's promoter, explained that the Wack Packer has been training with professional boxer Al Cole. Damon also told Tan Mom that she is not allowed to drink beforehand, seeing as alcohol may have added to the disaster than was her match with MILF Mom.

After some discussion about Caitlyn Jenner (whom Kayla is not a fan of), Howard brought in Tan Mom who came out firing: "I'll smack the man back into him!"

"Last time with MILF … that was absolutely crazy because the paparazzi and the fans were in the ring," she offered as evidence for why this time wouldn't end like the last one before launching into some trash talk.

Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Kayla: "You look like freakin' Hulk Hogan in drag."

Tan Mom: "I find it [her] really disgusting."

Photo: The Howard Stern Show

It immediately became clear though that Tan Mom was taking the high road for once and Howard wondered if she was medicated, considering we've rarely seen her this calm.

"No, I just changed my ways," she countered. "I'm training with a real champion … He's teaching me how to box. I've been working out like every day."

Sal came into the studio and was incredulous. "Tan Mom, step it up! Where's the girl I fell in love with?" he yelled.

Howard questioned Sal about who had better breasts, Tan Mom or Kayla. "Tan Mom … but Kayla has a nicer cock!" Sal joked. What about hotter overall? "She has nicer side meat than Kayla, so there."

Tan Mom was adamant though that she wanted Kayla to get an "AIDS test" and told Howard she would not be supportive of any of her children becoming transgender.

Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Kayla's Strategy: "Never let the left hand know what the right hand is doing."

Tan Mom's Strategy: "I'm learning everything. I'm not perfect yet. But whatever happens happens."

Damon told Howard that Kayla has to weigh 140 lbs. to fight Tan Mom … right now she's at around 175 lbs. Tan Mom said she weighs about 127 lbs.

"Tan Mom, you are a tiny lady. Be careful in that ring," Howard warned. Mariann from Brooklyn called in to show her support as well, screaming, "Tan Mom, represent the Wack Pack!"

Before leaving the studio, Tan Mom also finally revealed why she has three metal plates in her head. "I got hurt, just somebody, when I was 23, cold-cocked me," she told Howard. "They proclaimed me dead twice … They had to redo my whole face." That explains quite a lot.