Dexter’s Sex Laboratory

In the wake of Howard’s interview with Lenny Dykstra on Tuesday, a listener named Dexter called in this morning because he thought he could outdo the former baseball star and infamous cocksman with his own tips on how to please a woman.

Dexter pleaded with Howard that if he could just have a minute, he could teach men how to conduct themselves in between a woman’s thighs.

“Slow movements and always three points of contact – both hands and the mouth,” Dexter explained before detailing a bizarre step-by-step method for lovemaking that concluded with the man telling his lady that she has a “pretty pussy.”

Howard thought the entire thing sounded like an alien report on human mating rituals and couldn’t shake the feeling that Dexter was simply reading tips out of a book.