Bobo’s Essay: The Punishment, the New Topic, and Countless Mistakes Already

Probably not a good sign that he spelt Richard Nixon with a “K”

December 13, 2016
Bobo and his essay proctor Alexandria Bobo and his essay proctor Alexandria Photo: The Howard Stern Show

On Tuesday morning, Stern Show superfan Bobo arrived to pay his penance for stealing a joke from Fox News’s Greg Gutfeld by writing a 750-word essay in 45 minutes. He told Stern Show correspondent Wolfie just how much he’s been preparing for this big day.

“I’ve been spending countless hours in my shrine,” Bobo said of holing up in his room that houses all of his Stern Show memorabilia. “[I’m] trying to, more or less, dabble into my subconscious and really think and say to myself ‘I have to do this. I have to be on my full game. I have to bring my A-game that day.'”

He continued: “My hand is really hurting … This is where I wish I was amondextrous.”

Since he thought the topic he’d be writing about would be plagiarism (which he pronounces pah-lay-jur-rism) Bobo has been trying to memorize his entire essay, even reaching out to hypnotist Scott Schmaren to see if he could help him remember all 750 words.

“That is completely useless to him because we switched topics,” Howard said on air before revealing to Bobo what the actual assignment would be. His new topic: Tell us in your own words who you think is one of the most unethical people in history and cite three examples of why that person is unethical.

“His wig just popped off” Howard said after reading Bobo his new topic. Howard also reviewed what’s at stake, reminding the Stern Show audience that depending on what grade a middle school teacher gives Bobo’s essay will determine his final punishment.

Here’s the breakdown:

A = No ban and Bobo will be considered the #1 Stern Show Superfan

B = No ban

C = Two-week ban from calling the Stern Show

D = Two-week ban from calling the Stern Show AND he loses his nickname Bobo

F = Three-month ban AND he loses his nickname Bobo

“That’s gonna kill me. That’s the worst punishment,” Bobo said Howard after hearing he could potentially be stripped of his nickname. “That’s my legacy!”

Should the name Bobo be taken away from him, Howard heard from plenty of callers who were willing to take on the name themselves. Soon, there could be several callers who all go by Bobo.

Bobo's interesting jewelry Bobo’s interesting jewelry Photo: The Howard Stern Show

“I think Bobo has a better chance of curing cancer than getting an A,” Howard joked.

Grading Bobo is Alexandria, who knows a thing or two about crafting a compelling essay. She’s a literature and writing teacher with a BA in Comparative Literature from Yale, as well as a Master’s of Education from St. John’s University.

“I want to be as fair as I possibly can,” Alexandria said while explaining the criteria she follows when grading students. “When you’re teaching writing, you want to make sure that students have a sense of how to have flow in their essay, to really build an argument, or to be able to really explain something in depth.”

“Just stick a fork in me already,” Bobo said.

A 750-word essay is by no means unreasonable for a fifth grader to complete. Alexandria told Howard she once assigned her students a five-page paper on morality after the class read the book “Inherent the Wind.” Bobo never read that book but he did remember reading “To Catch a Mockingbird.”

“You are priceless,” Howard said. “You are a gem, Bobo.” And with that, Bobo was off to put pen to paper and write his essay.

With about 10 minutes left, Howard checked in on Bobo and learned that he had chosen to write about Richard Nixon. But there was a problem.

“About three minutes ago, he realized he was spelling Nixon wrong,” Howard told Robin, explaining Bobo had spelled the former U.S. president’s name N-I-C-K-S-O-N. Once time was up, Bobo returned to the studio, confident that he did well on his essay.

Photo: The Howard Stern Show

“I think I got a passing grade. I don’t think I got to 750 words,” Bobo said. In addition to not hitting the required word count, it became clear that Bobo also didn’t really know why Nixon acted unethically.

“He lied on tape,” Bobo explained. “I think with the financial handling of this country as well as the military … everything was misappropriated.”

“I don’t want to be a downer but, I hope you’re enjoying your last day as Bobo,” Howard joked.

“The whole world knows me as Bobo!” the superfan shot back.

“Well, guess what, you’re about to be forgotten,” Robin said with a laugh.

Bobo counting the lines of his essay Bobo counting the lines of his essay Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Whether or not Bobo passed his written test will be revealed on Wednesday’s Stern Show. But one thing Howard was sure of this morning was that Bobo’s toupee still wasn’t passing as real hair.

“Your hair has never looked more ridiculous,” he told Bobo. “The front doesn’t match the back in terms of color.” Bobo disagreed, saying he is very particular about the shading of his hair, even having the toupee company color it “37 percent gray.”

“I don’t know what happened there. It really is a mess,” Robin said.

Bobo’s wife has also asked him to do away with his rug, especially since it reportedly costs him a fortune to maintain. Plus, if everyone knows he’s really bald, what’s the point?

See Bobo’s hairpiece close up (below) and tune in Wednesday to hear what grade Bobo gets on his essay!

Photo: The Howard Stern Show
Photo: The Howard Stern Show
Photo: The Howard Stern Show