Show Rundown: May 2, 2017

Wack Packers flood the phone lines

May 2, 2017

Good Morning Everybody!

Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Howard opened the show in a good mood Tuesday morning due to the warming May weather, but things quickly took a turn for the disgusting once he noticed an inordinate amount of Wack Packers on the line and picked up on Jeff the Vomit Guy, who hasn’t been heard on the air in a while.

Jeff has been calling the Stern Show offices nonstop lately in an effort to find a willing vomit participant. “It’s weirding a lot of people out,” Howard told the Wack Packer.

“I’m so sorry that I’m so politically incorrect,” Jeff said.

He explained that while most people would turn to the internet nowadays for such a fetish, he doesn’t currently have access after squandering approximately $200K “gambling” on New York State lottery tickets over the years. And, unfortunately, computers at the library are typically set to block websites where he would be able to find willing and able vomit partners.

“You’re my main man, Howard,” Jeff pronounced.

Aside from soliciting the Stern Show staffers, Jeff the Vomit Guy reportedly follows women home from bars urging them to hurl and acting as a self-imposed “vomit coach.” The 59-year-old admitted that over the course of his life—outside of the show—he has had less than half-a-dozen women voluntarily upchuck on him.

As for his favorites? “I like thick, kind of chunky vomit … the pungent kind of smell,” he explained.

Unsurprisingly, Stern Show staffer Richard Christy has reported that Jeff is the smelliest Wack Packer. Jeff took umbrage with the claim, though, asserting that he showers every day. “I guess it would all be apropos for people to assume the vomit guy to have a vomit stench for him,” he concluded.

Instead Jeff claimed that, if there actually were a stench, it must be from his cat, which he takes care of alongside nine birds.

So, for anyone awaiting it, there is the Jeff the Vomit Guy update.