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AUDIO: Wack Packers Share Their Thanksgiving Plans

“I might be locked up by then, who the hell f-cking knows,” Bigfoot says of his undetermined holiday schedule

November 17, 2020
Gary the Conqueror was just one of several Wack Packers to share their Thanksgiving plans Gary the Conqueror was just one of several Wack Packers to share their Thanksgiving plans Photo: The Howard Stern Show

The COVID-19 pandemic might have most Americans questioning their upcoming Thanksgiving plans but for several members of the Wack Pack, it’s business as usual. On Tuesday, Howard played clips of Underdog, Tan Mom, and several others to check in on their holiday itineraries.

“For Thanksgiving dinner, I always have my recreated Roman banquet,” Suzanne ‘Underdog’ Muldowney told Stern Show staffer Shuli Egar. “There’s several courses … I have tuna fish and a roll, then I have … a slice of beef … next I have … bacon, sausage, cheese, and apple juice … sometimes I might finish off with cheesecake.”

“It sounds like she’s eating a whole zoo,” Howard noted of the menu.

“It sounds horrible and the Romans never ate tuna on a bun,” co-host Robin Quivers observed.

Tan Mom – who admitted she was expecting a guest count of 23 people at her home – detailed the precautions she plans on taking to prevent the spread of the virus. “The masks come on as soon as you walk through the door,” she said of her intentions. “When the food is being served you lift up your mask … after each meal, there is a wash bowl to rinse your hands on and off, and then after the whole meal is done then you are able to give your hugs and say goodbye.”

Ham Hands Bill’s explanation of his conventional plans for a nice dinner with family and watching football took an unconventional turn due to his infatuation for the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. “I’m going to jerk off, eat some turkey, maybe have a glass of wine, enjoy Thanksgiving,” he said proudly before zeroing in on the big game. “It gets me kind of horny ‘cause of the cheerleaders.”

The celebration ideas of Gary the Conqueror and Bigfoot were far less elaborate. “I’m staying home because of this stupid … virus … I ain’t cooking no goddamn turkey,” Gary revealed.

“I might be locked up by then, who the hell fucking knows,” Bigfoot said before labeling the holiday menu at his local prison as “not that great and it’s not that bad.”

For Debbie the Cum Lady, the focus was more on the night before Thanksgiving. “I’m taking him for a seafood dinner and he promises to give me four loads that night,” she said enthusiastically of her date – whom she also spent election night with. “Lobster does give him a nice sweet taste. He likes seafood, I like the taste of it coming out of his cock.”

“She’s very traditional,” Howard joked of Debbie.