WAX ME DADDY
The Howard Stern Show for February 11, 2008

Howard started off the show recounting the evening he and Beth spent with Gary and Mary over last Friday. The couples went to Nobu, where the boys had a good time gossiping about the staff. Fred said Gary was “very good” at the-quick-look-over-the-shoulder before he relates a particularly juicy story, so Gary came in to say he wasn't the only staff member to perfect the move.

Howard claimed he was drinking too much to remember the stories Gary was telling, but he did recall that everyone in the studio got “equal time.” Gary disputed Howard's account of the evening, saying that Fred hadn't come up at all, and after some thought, Howard agreed. Fred didn't seem to believe them, bragging that he never gossips when he goes out with friends, as he finds it “negative” and always feels bad afterward.

Robin wanted to know what was said about her, so Gary and Howard told her that they thought “love was in the air” between her and Jim Florentine. Howard noted that they all went to the Knicks game after dinner, only to watch the Knicks blow an 18-point half-time lead. While they were on the subject of sports, Howard asked Artie if he got any more of his Super Bowl winning from his bookie, but Artie just made a shameful-sounding laugh.

Artie confessed that he lost a small portion of his winnings on the Pro Bowl, and his bookie has yet to even pay him half of his original Super Bowl winnings. The subject made Artie uncomfortable, so he instead told a story about attending a “county college” back in the day and spending all his class time in the student lounge – betting on 9-ball. One day, Artie explained how he won $280,000 from one of his friends who kept doubling the bet and losing, he eventually let the guy off the hook for a car stereo-installation and $70 cash.

Howard told the crew that he also went to Scott Greenstein's son's bar mitzvah over the weekend, and it seemed more like Scott's night than his son's. The party was held at the Museum of Natural History - and Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes played live. Howard wondered how much Scott made, as the party must've cost a lot, so Artie laughed that he once saw Scott's salary in print, and it wasn’t so high as to support such a lavish party.

Howard added that the presence of LL Cool J, Bam Margera, Tony Hawk, and Little Steven (the kid's godfather) – and Scott's wife's $28,000 dress (according to Howard’s fashion expert, Beth O) – probably only added to the party's huge expense. Gary came in to explain that Scott's salary was pocket change compared to the money he must have gotten from the sale of his old film company, so a big ticket party might not have hit Scott's wallet as hard as Howard thought.

Jessica Hahn called in crying that she didn't know what to do, because her longtime boyfriend, Ron Leavitt (the creator of “Married with Children”), died unexpectedly of cancer yesterday. Howard asked Jessica if Ron was a smoker, and Jessica admitted he was, adding that a collapsed lung had been one of the ailments plaguing him. Jessica said she'd been with Ron for 16 years, and he'd taken care of her the whole time, paying her rent and eventually buying her a home. Howard told Jessica he was sorry for her loss and would be thinking of her.

Artie stopped the show to publicly apologize for some jokes he made after Heath Ledger's death. Howard noted that Page Six had even written about the jokes, so Artie ramped up, explaining that the bit killed so hard, he lost sight of whether or not it was in good taste. Artie apologized; if someone close to Heath heard the jokes and was hurt by them, he's sorry. Howard defended Artie, saying the jokes weren't even made at Heath's expense – they just referenced his death.

High Pitch Erik called in to say that - like Eric the Midget - he was “broadcasting” via webcam on Johnny Fratto’s Social Club, so HowardTV brought up the feed on the in-studio monitors. When the feed came up, Howard immediately commented that he was grossed out by Erik's foot, which Erik had up on his desk (in full view of his webcam). Howard said it looked like Erik's toenail was almost hanging off his foot, prompting Eric to claim that he had a toenail fungus.

Howard told Erik he was vile, and Artie agreed, saying Erik might be the vilest of all Wack Packers. Howard asked Robin who she would sleep with if she had to in order to save Fred's life; Jeff the Drunk or High Pitch. Robin said she'd sleep with Jeff, as his dead arm meant he only had one hand to touch her with, but she'd have to be on top – Jeff will never get the opportunity to sweat on her. On cue, Jeff called in saying, “I'm so happy! I'm gonna go jerk off now.”

Steve Grillo called in to promote his new Internet radio show and a charity, Copshelpcops.com, and asked if Howard could find him a bartending job. Howard asked Steve why he didn't finish his electrician's apprenticeship, as was only three hours away from completing it, but Steve claimed he just “couldn't stand it.”

Howard welcomed porn star Summer Verona and Rich, her next door neighbor and “father figure,” who said he knew she'd be hot when she was only seven years old. The crew was disgusted by Rich's comment, so he explained himself, saying that anyone can tell when a young girl will grow up to be pretty. Summer supported Rich, noting that she had big boobs by the time she was 10 years-old and knew she wanted to get into porn when she was 16. Since Rich was in the business, she “made” him help her.

Rich told the crew that he frequently films scenes in Brazil, but since “they're not blessed with an American work ethic down there,” he learned how to do it all himself; hair, make-up, waxing, etc. To demonstrate, Summer bent over, and Rich demonstrated his ass-crack waxing technique. Will came in to watch closely, laughing, “No way is this guy a professional. There's wax all over her ass.”

Dave Navarro stopped by the studio, and Howard started in by asking how Dave “blew” his marriage to Carmen Electra. Dave said it wasn't his place to say anything about Carmen, as it would just get picked up by every media outlet in the world and used against him. Undaunted, Howard played a clip of Jenna Jameson saying Dave's height weirded her out when they were dating, so Dave laughed that Jenna was only “ok” in bed – and he never banged her without a condom.

Howard cited a rumor that Carmen left Dave for Joan Jett, but Dave couldn't confirm it, saying, “I doubt it, to be honest with you.” Howard asked Dave about some of the supposedly “gay” things he's done, so Dave denied ever having a penis in his mouth – but he did admit to once putting a vibrator in his ass while on stage with Jane's Addiction. Howard continued to ask about Dave's marriage to Carmen, and Dave eventually confessed they just didn't have much time for each other.

Howard played a clip of Stormy Daniels claiming (on The Bubba the Love Sponge Show) that Dave once ate his own ejaculate in front of her, so Dave explained that Stormy invited him up to the Playboy Mansion to “play.” When they hooked up, neither had a condom, so Dave just jerked off – but he didn't eat his sperm, he probably just “wiped” it somewhere.

Lisa G came in to ask if Dave's had Botox, as his eyebrows “haven't moved in a half-hour.” Dave admitted that he had a Botox treatment “months ago,” but it immobilized everything so he wouldn’t be doing it again. As Lisa left the studio, Dave told Howard that he thought Lisa was attractive; “I've always wanted to say, 'This just in.'” Howard laughed that Dave might be barking up the right tree; “She's single.”

Howard laughed that Erica, one of the interns wore a miniskirt today, and everyone thought it was because Dave was coming in. The intern in question came in to explain that she “just loves fashion,” and Dave asked her why she gave him an “ice-woman vibe” earlier. The intern said she didn't want to get in trouble from Ronnie the Limo Driver for being unprofessional. Dave told the intern she was “adorable,” leading Artie to defend his territory; “Don't come in here and start tagging our interns!”

Later, Gary reported that some of the staff saw Dave and the intern making out in the kitchen. The intern came in to defend herself, reporting that Dave cornered her and asked if she wanted to make out, but she turned him down. Dave then called in to dispute her version of the story, saying, “There were fireworks in the air,” but Howard cut Dave off before he could give any details.

Artie noted that he recently got an angry email from George Takei, who was upset about the things he said about High Pitch Mike last week. Howard read a ton of emails from listeners who were also upset about Artie's use of homophobic epithets, so Artie apologized to them – but not to Mike, as Artie refuses to apologize for statements he's made “out of anger.”

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• Amy Fisher is still crazy after all these years.

• British dudes will give up sex for six months to get a 50-inch TV.

• Should Jon Stewart be the “The Late Show” successor?

• Strange revelations continue to leak out of the McCartney/Mills divorce proceedings.

• Bruce Willis had fun at Ashton Kutcher's birthday party.

• Sugar substitutes are making you fat.

• Barack Obama swept this weekend's caucuses.

• Amy Winehouse won big at yesterday's Grammys.

• Barack Obama is the winner - at the Grammys.

• A hockey player cut his teammate pretty bad.

• The writer's strike is pretty much over.

• Roy Schneider is dead.

• Heath Ledger has been laid to rest.

• Brad Renfro died of a heroin overdose.