What Howard Stern Taught Me

Listeners reveal their favorite life lessons from the King of All Media

April 12, 2016

Whether it was learning to believe in your vision or learning that you don’t need shaving cream to shave, every one of us has become enlightened by the wise preachings of the King of All Media.

We asked listeners what Howard taught them — and the responses ranged from the genuine to the hilarious. Check out some highlights below.

Photo: The Howard Stern Show

1. “As a black woman, to never EVER go to Wing Bowl or a Beer Fest and stay as far away from Florida as possible.” (@alisa_courtney)

2. “Finish straight into the tissues.” (@optigrabber)

3. “Only wipe twice after going #2 in order to avoid nasty hemorrhoids.” (@neohiorounder)

4. “Wanna know what Howard taught me? To wipe my ass really well, cause there’s always more left.” (@spiritinblack82)

5. “Don’t doody in front of your spouse.” (@wineguyrick)

6. “My dick is a good size.” (@Spur_TX)

Photo: The Howard Stern Show

7. “I now wrap my penis whenever I tinkle.” (@MatthewMillpage)

8. “Listen to girls. It will help you get laid.” (@browntroutdog)

9. “Tolerance towards homosexuals. Big breakthrough for me.” (@Michael81688322)

10. “Howard taught me that ‘Painting O’ The Breasts’ for St. Patrick’s Day is NOT considered cheating.” (@pratt2007)

11. “How to pronounce ‘machine.'” (@RobSS96)

Photo: The Howard Stern Show

12. “To Shut up, Sit down and to not be a moron.” (@mark_clouser)

13. “Howard taught me to really appreciate Rock Music.” (@AnthonyRuiz__)

14. “Howard taught me to be afraid of fucking EVERYTHING.” (@IchBinDurstig)

15. “Howard taught me about Bronies.” (@FrankCuzzo)

Wolfie at BronyCon Wolfie at BronyCon Photo: The Howard Stern Show

16. “Howard taught me to laugh in very dark times…and that flat-chested girls can still be tens.” (@RachelSchaffer)

17. “Booey Math.” (@MtotheBtotheM)

18. “Howard taught me that hand-shaking is ridiculous, outdated and the easiest way to get sick. #FistBump #Purell.” (@DavidGlantz3)

19. “Lesbians = Ratings” (@LanceVanZanax)

Jan Hein's Lesbian Dating Profile Jan Hein’s Lesbian Dating Profile Photo: The Howard Stern Show

20. “Vocal fry.” (@SwassAdventures)

Let us know what you’ve learned from the King of All Media with the hashtag: #WhatHowardTaughtMe