Hear David Spade Skewer Coachella: It’s All the ‘Same Assh-les’ You Find in L.A.

Unlike Taylor Swift, the comedian says his squad isn’t strong enough to attend

May 11, 2016
Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Coachella 2016 is over but David Spade isn’t done poking fun at Hollywood’s favorite music festival. The comedian chatted with Howard on Wednesday morning and shared his thoughts on the yearly event.

“That’s where girls go to try on clothes and take photos,” Spade said. “So you’re basically in L.A., you’re just three hours away but with the same assholes you just left and the same coke dealers.”

And even if they’re not doing drugs, those in attendance are definitely taking pictures, according to David. “They stay up all night and get wasted and take 1,000 Instagram pictures of it,” he said.

Howard wondered how so many of these young girls are able to spend entire weekends at music festivals or jet off to Cannes for the week.

“They’re like hybrid hookers,” Spade said. “Some are legit having sex with these guys for the trip.” David filled Howard in on meeting a few girls who claimed they get to come along for the ride just because their friend was having sex with a rich guy. Spade assumes it’s only a matter of time, though, before the friend gets called in to sleep with that dude too.

Between he and model’s Charlotte McKinney’s viral Funny or Die video dissing Coachella and the lambasting he gave the music festival during his interview with Howard, Spade says it’s safe to assume he will never attend.

“Now I look like a traitor if I go,” David said. “I like to do that stuff … I just don’t have a group.”

David said that his squad goals just can’t compare to those of A-listers like Taylor Swift, Rihanna, or Leonardo DiCaprio. “God these people with their squad … If I get someone to go to dinner it’s a miracle,” Spade said. “It’s like the Crips and the Bloods. They’re all gorgeous, that’s the only difference.”

David Spade stars in “The Do-Over” alongside Adam Sandler, available on Netflix May 27.