Bigfoot Gives a Life Update and Plays a Holiday-Themed ‘Would He F-ck It?’ Game

“I got myself in a little bit of trouble and I had to go away for a little while,” the Wack Packer says

January 5, 2022
Photo: The Howard Stern Show

From legal troubles to arachnid infestations, it’s been a rough couple years for Bigfoot. However, in a recent conversation with Stern Show correspondent Wolfie, the beloved Wack Packer insisted things were turning around.

“I got myself in a little bit of trouble and I had to go away for a little while, I did,” Bigfoot said in a clip played on Wednesday morning’s show. In it, the Wack Packer also explained he’s living in a group home and hopes to get back on his feet soon.

“Are you happy?” Wolfie asked him.

“Yeah, this is the best I’ve been in years,” Bigfoot responded, adding that he’s in good health now, too, thanks to a pharmaceutical regimen consisting of a mood stabilizer and three different types of sleeping pills. “It takes a lot to knock this moose out, it does,” he said.

Howard was impressed. “Sounds like he has his shit together,” he said.

“He sounds clearer than he has in years,” co-host Robin Quivers agreed.

Always the entrepreneur, Bigfoot discussed a few of his ongoing side businesses which include selling cigars and loose cigarettes to his roommates and operating as a loan shark.

“He’s living his best life, though—isn’t he? … It’s great to hear Bigfoot is doing so much better,” Howard remarked before inviting Robin to play a holiday-themed Bigfoot game.

“I’m going to mention something, you tell me if Bigfoot would fuck it,” Howard instructed. Play along with Robin (below).

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  • Would Bigfoot fuck Santa Claus?

    Photo: Shutterstock
    • Yes (“I’d shoot my load on his beard”)

    • No (“He’s too fat”)

  • Would Bigfoot fuck a Christmas tree?

    Photo: Getty Images
    • Yes (“I love nature, I does”)

    • No (“they got fucking needles”)

  • Would Bigfoot fuck a SnowMan?

    Photo: Getty Images
    • Yes (“only if we did it inside”)

    • No (“if I get too damp and too cold I break out into hives”)

  • Would Bigfoot jerk off into a bowl of eggnog and drink it?

    Photo: Getty Images
    • Yes (“my load has Lots of vitamins”)

    • No (“I’m allergic to eggnog”)

  • Would Bigfoot fuck an elf?

    Photo: Getty Images
    • Yes (“I’d ram him hard on my cock”)

    • No (“they’re too small”)

  • Would Bigfoot fuck a reindeer?

    Photo: Getty Images
    • Yes (“I’m an Aminal Fucker”)

    • No (“I’m not an aminal fucker”)

  • Would Bigfoot fuck the Grinch?

    Photo: Universal Pictures
    • Yes (“Why fucking not?”)

    • No (“He’s too ugly”)

  • Would Bigfoot fuck the Virgin Mary?

    Photo: Getty Images
    • Yes (“Depending on What She Looked Like”)

    • No (“god would get Pissed”)

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