High Pitch Erik called into the Stern Show on Wednesday following an in-studio appearance a day earlier during which he sat down with Ed Torian to take a Gay Lie Detector Test. The test results were complex and sometimes contradictory, but when all was said and done it seemed the world finally had conclusive proof the Wack Packer is attracted to men—at least handsome celebrity men like Donnie Wahlberg and John Stamos.
Howard was eager to follow up with High Pitch and further discuss Tuesday's big revelations, but first Erik had another bone to pick with fellow Wack Packer and longtime rival Fred the Elephant Boy. “He’s tweeting about me for no reason,” High Pitch said over the phone. “Starting trouble with me on Twitter.”
Here's what Fred wrote:
“He’s not starting trouble. He welcomed you to the gay lifestyle,” Howard explained. “Now that you’re gay, you two can date.”
“I don’t want to date him,” Erik responded. He went on to describe his first night at home as a gay man as a lackluster evening consisting primarily of a nap.
“It was a gay nap,” Howard joked. “Did you dream of men?”
High Pitch said he did not dream of any dudes that night, though he did reveal things might go differently on Wednesday after he watches Donnie on a “Blue Bloods” TV marathon. The Wack Packer even conceded he might masturbate while fantasizing about the actor, whose buttocks he memorably clenched in-studio almost a year ago to date.
High Pitch tried returning the conversation to Elephant Boy and bashed him over his seemingly innocuous Twitter comments, but Howard and Robin Quivers once again explained to him there was little to take offense at.
“I think you should write back ‘I’m proud to be part of the gay community.’ That’s it,” Howard said, adding “I think you’re misreading it. You’re out, but you’re not proud.”
High Pitch further revealed he wouldn’t be seeking out a boyfriend any time soon, but not for the reasons one might guess: the Wack Packer said he's keeping himself off the market because he’s “waiting for Donnie to become divorced.”
“Can I give you a suggestion?” Howard told him. “Work on your diet over the holidays. Try getting into shape. If you really want to land Donnie Wahlberg, I think you’re going to have to work out.”
“I will, I will,” Erik promised before hanging up.