“A lot of people are speculating about where Brent goes with
his metal career … I got to wondering, where is this all going to lead?” Howard
explained Wednesday morning. “So … we’ve invented a time machine.”
As it turned out, “Brent From the Future” had become a man
of the cloth. He’d traded in his atheism for Christianity and abandoned swinging
in favor of raising his 17 children with his wife Katelyn, who opted to become
a nun.
When did everything change? At a “wild orgy,” of course, after
a man in the throes of passion lost control of his ejaculate and hit Brent in the
face with some “load shrapnel.”
“But then I looked down and there it was, I saw
an image of the Virgin Mary in his load,” Brent From the Future explained. “It was
a sign from God to give up this life of sin and devote my life to faith.”
Devote his life, he did. Brent’s music tastes even evolved,
too. “I’m still a metalhead, man, but I’m a Christian metalhead,” Brent From
the Future told Howard shortly before debuting one of his pro-Jesus metal
tracks.