Bringing Sexy Back With JT (James Taylor, That Is)
The James Taylor soundtrack to stoke your sexual fire (and, eventually, rain)May 14, 2015
The road to getting a lady, gent, or consenting adult mammal friend in the mood for intimate thrusts can be paved with several James Taylor tunes. A little “Your Smiling Face” here, a little “How Sweet It Is” there – all ideal for sipping some dessert wine on a yak-skin rug by a roaring pile of log flames.
However, leaving a James Taylor record running during the main event can be a risky venture. One quickly finds that nothing kills a mood quite like songs about death, (“Fire and Rain”); States, (“Carolina In My Mind”); or Mexico (“Mexico.”)
On the other hand, there are some JT tracks that prove he can groove and get down with the best of them. Here now, is the definitive list of James Taylor songs that won’t keep your mojo from sleeping tighter than Sweet Baby James.
First of all, congrats. You’ve successfully wooed your lady companion, perhaps to the gentle strums and reassuring lyrics of “Country Road” or the strange, rhythmic grunts of “Gorilla.” You reach for your Samsung boombox, which contains a lovingly curated mixtape labeled “JT – For Banging.”
You press play. Suddenly…the air gets steamier.
1. “Steamroller Blues”
Album: Sweet Baby James (1970) Live (1993)
Ideal For: Foreplay
Things get underway with the steady, bluesy slop of “Steamroller Blues.” While the original (simply titled “Steamroller”) will get the job done, the nod goes to the longer, funkier, girthier performance on his 1993 live album, Live. Regardless, it’s a fact: you can’t listen to this song without your pelvis doing something. Go ahead, play it – see what happens.
2. “Woman’s Gotta Have It”
Album: In The Pocket (1976)
Ideal For: Light Missionary
The R&B tinges of “Woman’s Gotta Have It,” as well as the clear innuendo of the title, make it an ideal candidate for getting things off the ground, intercourse-wise. JT’s reminders of “how she wants it” serve as words of cheerful encouragement if you’re experiencing a case of “cold penis.”
You’re off the races now, chum.
3. “Woh, Don’t You Know”
Album: Mud Slide Slim and the Blue Horizon (1971)
Ideal For: The Ramp Up
You’ve found your rhythm just in time for “Who, Don’t You Know” to start. The upbeat tempo carries with it an ideal thrusting rate of 3/1. Additionally, the underlying groove should allow you to play around and get creative with your specific “ins n’ outs.” You’ll have no problem picking up the pace here. “Know” also clocks in at a cool 2:11, which is a pretty ideal length for this portion of your sequence.
4. “Frozen Man”
Album: New Moon Shine (1991)
Ideal For: The Moment of Weakness
It happens to every guy. Just when things are flowing fine, there’s suddenly a glitch in the matrix and you go limper than a damp ferret. Don’t get frustrated, it’s totally normal, and your best bet is to simply let the wave of impotence pass. It’s weird that you’ve sequenced “Frozen Man” to be accurately timed with this specific occurrence, but hey – you know your body really well.
5. “Slap Leather”
Album: New Moon Shine (1991)
Ideal For: Going to Plow Town
After a glass of water and a minute to scream at yourself in the mirror, you’re back in the game! You will likely face a challenge trying to keep up with the breakneck rhythm of “Slap Leather” but it’s good to challenge yourself every now and then, right?
You can tell JT had fun cutting loose with this tune, which can be best described as a high-octane rockabilly. By the end of its relentless 1:57, your endurance will surely improve, calories will certainly burn, and the intensity of your sexcapade will reach a fever pitch. Just remember to breathe there, champ.
6. “The Promised Land”
Album: Walking Man (1974)
Ideal For: Climax
The title alone makes “The Promised Land” the ideal selection for climax. Even still, the celebratory tempo and wirey guitars practically cheer you and your love partner past the finish line! As you achieve the heights of pure ecstasy, the dirty horns are there to gently guide you back down to earth, and when you arrive, JT is there to gently cradle you with…
7. “Anywhere Like Heaven”
Album: Sweet Baby James (1970)
Ideal For: Post-Coital Bliss
Now that JT’s been your tour guide through the peaks and valleys of Bonerville, he’s here at the other side to remind you of what he does best – sing euphorically peaceful, gentle tunes. As you lay in the glow of post-coital bliss, you could do a lot worse than to cue up “Anywhere Like Heaven,” a song that sounds practically invented for such a scenario. Perfect for clean up!
8. “One Man Parade”
Album: One Man Dog (1972)
Ideal For: For After She Leaves
This one’s pretty self-explanatory.
But don’t take our word for it – feel free to experiment with James’ entire catalogue in the bedroom, because, well why not!?
And there’s probably no better place to start with his brand new album Before This World out now!