The Best of the Week December 14 - 18
The Howard Stern Show for December 18, 2009

WAKE & BAKE WITH SNOOP DOGG
Snoop Dogg stopped by to promote his new album, 'Malice In Wonderland,' and his new SiriusXM channel, Snoop Dogg Nation, on Sirius channel 40 and XM 67. Snoop told the crew his weed-free days were short-lived: "I stopped for about 120 days." Snoop said he was high right now ("Wake and bake.") and smoked anywhere between ten and a hundred joints/blunts a day, thanks to his medical marijuana card (migraines and blurred vision): "If they make it legal you better believe I'm gonna have a shop called Snoopy's and you can come and get some."

Howard asked Snoop about attending Long Beach Polytechnic High School at the same time as Cameron Diaz, so Snoop laughed: "She went to a hood school...she was a cheerleader slash, uh...she was very well loved and received. She was cool with all the homies." Snoop said he's since given up on the lifestyle he lived back then: "I've renounced gang-banging...when you get to the age I'm at, you become a mentor...they all want to get to the place where they've 'made it' in life."

BANNED IN LONDON, NO LONGER PIMPIN’
Snoop answered Howard's questions on his Heathrow dust-up ("They don't let me in London no more. I've been banned...I think they're still living in the 1800s.") and how he relates to Tiger Woods: "You know what Howard? It's hard...me and my wife's relationship now is about respect." After the last answer, Robin asked: "Are you telling me that you just hide it now?" Snoop replied that he and his wife had simply reached "the level of respect where I just don't do it anymore."

SNOOP PRICES BETH AT $10,000
After telling Howard he'd given up his harem of prostitutes ("I had to shut my operation down and pass it over to [Don] 'Magic' Juan."), Snoop left – and ran into Beth O on his way out. Howard wanted to know how much Snoop would've charged his Johns for a night with her. Snoop called back in with an answer: $10,000 a night.

ALEX, MISS HOWARDTV JANUARY
Alex, a dancer at Tootsie's Cabaret in Miami and the new Miss HowardTV for January, stopped by to say hello, and Howard asked her about Tootsie's “full nudity, full liquor, full friction” policy.





Alex explained: "We can grind, I guess, with our bottoms on." Howard then pointed to a tattoo on her side, and Alex reported that it read 'Live Your Life.' Howard laughed: "Oh boy. You are loose...What? Do you feel other people don't live their lives?" Alex said she just wanted to express that she didn't care what other people think about her.

THE BENJY – GANGE RACK TEST
Alex told the crew she loved to dirty talk in the bedroom: "I like my boyfriend to call me a dirty slut. It's really weird. I don't think I am. I just like it."

Howard figured Alex must be into anal sex, but she was adamantly against it: "My boyfriend tried to get to me to try it but it's too weird." Benjy then stepped out from behind the console to 'test' Alex's boobs, claiming they had been worked on. Gange came in – hands extended – to counter Benjy's opinion: "They're real. I don't wanna take my hands off 'em!"

WILL BENJY RUIN THE HOLIDAY PARTY?
Howard said he was looking forward to the holiday party, but he wasn’t excited by Benjy's decision to bring a 'disruptive' guest. Howard didn't name the guest, only offering two clues: (1) she'd previously been a guest on the show and (2) her behavior was erratic. Benjy insisted the girl wasn't a fan of the show and was only interested in him – they've been dating since October. Howard replied: "Don't bring one of your lunatics. That's all I'm saying."

Ralph called in to say Benjy should just come alone: "You can't even say her name!" Howard explained: "Benjy has a problem. A deep-seated problem." Howard played a clip from yesterday's Wrap-Up Show of Benjy saying no one should ever invite him anywhere without allowing him to bring a plus-one – and then declared that Benjy should bring his date as planned. (Later, on the Wrap-Up Show, it was revealed that Benjy's date was Sarah from the World's Strongest Naked Woman contest.)

RICHARD CHRISTY IS ENGAGED
Howard complained that heard about Richard Christy's engagement on Facebook, so Richard came in to say he couldn't help it – his fiancée had rushed to the computer after his proposal: "That was the first thing she did was post it on Facebook." Howard asked if Richard showered for the proposal, and Richard laughed: "I might have bathed anyway, it had been a few days."

Richard told the crew that he'd proposed on their anniversary: "It was our fourth anniversary of the day we met. We actually met on the last day of KROCK." Richard popped the question in their favorite restaurant: "I just told her to close her eyes and put the box in her hands...she started freaking out...they brought over a bottle of champagne and we did a tequila shot."

PLEASE WELCOME KRISTIE CHRISTY TO THE STERN SHOW FAMILY
Howard wasn't surprised to learn that Richard had celebrated with alcohol. Richard laughed ("Oh we had a few.") and later clarified that he had 3 glasses of champagne, 3 'manmosas' (super-sized mimosas served in a pint glass) and a shot of tequila. Howard asked if Richard's fiancé would be taking his last name, making her 'Kristie Christy,’ and Richard confirmed it: "Her actual name is Kristin."

Wolfie called in to say he'd polled the staff and was surprised to see "Jason Kaplan is not well-liked...he swept all the major categories." Wolfie listed the categories Jason won: Most Disliked, Most Annoying, Biggest Ass-Kisser, Biggest Gossip and Biggest Douche. Jason came in to say he could care less: "I'd like to thank the Academy...I'm knocked up on a lot of pills so it's not affecting me too hard."

Wolfie reported that Sal won a few categories himself, taking the Worst Parent category "out right" as well as Biggest Racist, Least Welcome in Your Home, Most Likely to Sleep with your Wife, Most Disingenuous and Most Likely to Pen an Unauthorized Tell-All about Howard. Artie took Most Unstable as well as Most Dishonest. Scott Salem was voted Most Jealous "by far" – also Laziest and Most Likely to Jump Ship. Ronnie won Least Creative. JD won Worst Breath.

KARRI, HOTTEST COUGAR CONTESTANT #1
Howard welcomed Karri, the first Hottest Cougar contestant, to the studio and noted she was a divorced 42-year-old promotional model and mother of three.

Karri told the crew she often ended up dating younger men, even if it wasn't what she was looking for: "When you're my age, it's either a younger guy or a really old guy with a potbelly." Howard couldn't figure out why anyone would divorce Karri, and she explained her ex-husband had an insatiable fetish for Asian women.

When Karri showed the crew her best asset – her ass, Howard immediately demanded seconds: "Lemme see that ass again! It's marvelous. My god." Karri noted that one of her son's friends had also noticed her body: "He said, 'Do you run a lot?' And I said yeah. So he was like, 'Cause you got great legs.' And he's 15!" Howard laughed: "You're a freak of nature...and I mean that in the nicest way."



Howard then ran Karri through the 'personality'/quiz portion of the competition:

Have you ever slept with a black guy? "No."

Name three ways you can tell someone's Jewish. "First it's the nose...[and] of course it's the holidays, [so] whether or not they're celebrating Christmas...third would be how the date goes. Where they take you and how much they spend."

If forced to exterminate any race of people, which would it be? "Asians!" (Which she blamed on her ex-husband).

BJ, HOTTEST COUGAR CONTESTANT #2
Howard then welcomed the second contestant, BJ, a 38-year-old bartender and mother of three – who denied that 'BJ' was a nickname: "I've been BJ since I was two."



BJ said her husband entered her in the contest, as she doesn't consider herself a cougar: "It’s tough coming over to the cougar age."

Appropriately, BJ went on to blow the 'personality' quiz:

Describe your most embarrassing sexual experience. "Um..."

What is your best talent? "I can chug a beer in like three seconds."

What do you hate most about men? "Jealousy and, um, there's so many things about them. Wait – I don't mean that. I wait on them a lot."



Do you secretly wish your husband's penis was bigger? "Well, sure."

THERESA, HOTTEST COUGAR CONTESTANT #3
Theresa, the final contestant, laughed that she was much older than the others – she's 50 – and even had breasts that were fully grown: "They're fake. They're 20-years-old though." Theresa said she listened to the show every day and loved everything but Richard Christy's bathing habits: "He needs to practice better hygiene, I think."



Theresa didn't bomb but also didn't ace the 'personality' quiz:

If forced to exterminate any race of people, which would it be? "Maybe the Turks because they've always invaded everybody over the years."

What invention has been most beneficial to your life? "Probably birth control."

What relative would you sacrifice if it meant world peace? "My brother...he’s older than me."

THE STAFF PICKS THE HOTTEST COUGAR
Fred voted for Karri: "She's a divorcee and she's very aggressive."





Gary agreed: "I like Karri the best...once the pants came off it was like a whole different thing." Robin dissented: "I was mesmerized by BJ's abs." Howard registered the deciding vote for Karri: "She's dating younger men so she really fits the definition of a cougar." Karri then celebrated her Hottest Cougar title: "Gosh! I feel so complimented."



Howard was also blown away by Claudia, the founder of the Hottest Cougar contest sponsor, who came in to present Karri with the giant check.