SLIMMING SILVERMAN
The Howard Stern Show for April 21, 2010

Eric the Midget called in to say something about 'American Idol' but Howard didn't get his point: "I have not noticed what you're talking about. That's why you're in the wackpack." Eric denied he was in the wackpack, saying he was also upset about being mentioned in Captain Janks' most recent rash of prank phone calls. Captain Janks called in to laugh: "I don't have any more of a problem [with Eric] than anybody else who listens to the show does. He's a dick...you're such an ungrateful little prick."

Eric shrugged off Janks' argument: "I got along with everybody when I was in high school and junior high." Robin laughed: "We should have met you then." Howard repeated his belief that Eric was a wackpacker, but Eric insisted he was not a member: "No I'm not and I hope to be going back to the Bunny Ranch this summer." Howard promised to see what he could do about getting Eric laid and hung up.

Howard got Greg Fitzsimmons on the line to discuss his recent interview with Andy Dick and asked him when his show aired--Greg was miffed: "It's been on every [Monday] night for, uh, three years on your channel. That's like walking home and looking at one of your kids and going like, 'And, uh, you're a neighbor?'" Greg added that he'd personally been to Andy's new home—the plastic shed in his ex-wife's backyard: "It's like the gateway to homeless. It's the last stop." Howard shook his head: "It's just sad. He has a bucket he pisses in."

Greg said he'd spent a lot of time with Andy: "He is the most well-mannered, sweet, caring person and then he tells you about his life and it's hard to believe...I don't think he's an alcoholic or a drug addict and I even question if he's gay. I think he just has this need to create chaos." Howard said he believed the opposite: "I think he’s a gay alcoholic who also likes to create chaos."

Richard Christy came in to tell the crew about his recent trip to his dermatologist, saying she checked his skin for possible melanomas--and his ass for pimples: "She prescribed me some zit cream to put on it." Richard said his ginger coloring had probably paid for his dermatologist's pool by now: "I get check-ups every six months...I had a thing removed from my nose actually about a year ago. I take it very seriously."

Richard added that he hadn't showered since the appointment, as he was hoping Sarah Silverman would take another long whiff of his genitals: "I took a leak yesterday and I could smell my balls."

Howard noted that HowardTV's Scott DePace was unimpressed with Gary's most recent Techno Beaver segment--an opinion Howard didn't share: "He gave good information about Wi-Fi but I'll tell you what: the beaver costume kept me tuned in...I retained everything. I was totally sucked in." Howard added that he'd more than just enjoyed the segment: "I loved it!"

Howard was so excited about the Techno Beaver segments, he began planning the next one: "Build a dam with a running brook and every time there's a new gadget, pull it out of the dam!" Scott proposed a scattering of wood shavings in front of the damn--as if Gary had been gnawing on logs--and began laughing so hard tears came out his eyes: "I stand corrected!"

Sarah Silverman stopped by to promote her new book, 'The Bedwetter,' but first had to answer Howard's questions about her weight loss: "I'm making an effort! I have a calorie counter." Howard read a few excerpts from recent interview in which Sarah said the following: "The guy I'm dating now, who's awesome, is not my typical fare. He's really skinny." Sarah said the innocent quote was twisted to look like a swipe at her ex, ABC late night host Jimmy Kimmel: "So then they go, 'Oh, she's calling Jimmy fat'...everything nice I say, they turned it into me slamming Jimmy, which--why would I ever do that?"

Sarah continued to complain about the media's obsession with her long-over relationship: "I have nothing but kind feelings for Jimmy...no matter how safe I play it when I answer questions, it gets twisted into something that is a story for the writer. And then--but so the only thing I can do is go like, 'I'm not going to talk about that.' And then I'm like, that's so lame…I'm a f’ing comedian…to say I'm not going to talk about that? It's dumb."

Howard tried to investigate the sex Sarah enjoyed with her new man, but Sarah only offered a glimpse: "Everyone likes a little--a little smack on the tush." Sarah also joked that they were into racially-motivated roleplay: "We, like, say the N-word a whole bunch."

Howard noted that Sarah had sold her new book for $2.5 million, but Sarah claimed she still hadn't cashed in: "I am the poorest--in the ratio of non-scandal celebrity, I have the least amount of money to the most amount of fame...I'm a quality of life person. I like to do the stuff I like to do. I'd rather make an Internet video on my couch for free than be Jennifer Lopez's friend in a movie."

Sarah told the crew she recently came across her old SNL sketch proposals and reconciled with the cast members who had marginalized her efforts: "I realized why. Cause I saved them all these years. They were terrible...maybe I wasn't cynical enough at that point. I wrote real earnest stuff."

Sarah also claimed she didn't 'bomb' at the TED Talks conference, challenging the event's curator, Chris Anderson, to share her speech online: "The guy won't post it. He posted all of the [other] talks but he won't post mine." Sarah said she'd admit if she bombed--but she killed: "I always say when I bomb. I still bomb all the time."

Cameron Douglas has been sentenced to 5 years in prison.

David Copperfield's rape charges have disappeared.

Kumar was robbed at gunpoint.

Sugar is dangerous.

Apple had an even bigger quarter than expected.

Jennifer Knapp is a Christian music performer-turned-lesbian.

Rod Blagojevich still wants the tapes released.

Muslims are upset with 'South Park.'

Courtney Love is now Courtney Michelle.